Angles, Hard As They Come, 1971

I really need to stay away from that discount movie bin at Wal-Mart. In this flick there are two outlaw clubs, “The Angles” and “The Dragons”. The plot if that’s what the writers dared to call it, roughly begins with a drug deal gone wrong. The Angles agree to meet up later at another location and set out on a road trip where they encounter a few members of “The Dragons”. The Dragons invite them to hang out and party at this hippie commune they have taken over, holding the hippies more or less hostage. That’s where you’ll see the teenage Gary Busey, who plays hippie Henry. So far so good!

To its credit the movie sported two panheads and a panhead trike along with some Norton’s and Triumphs. The bikes looked great with their mile high sissy bars and staggeringly high fishtail pipes. All of that rang true for the early seventies. Of course that too heads for the toilet bowl as they ride these fully chopped bikes with their front ends extended from here to hell and back; all over the desert as if they were dirt bikes. They participate in everything from dirt races with the sounds of tires squealing on asphalt; was the sound guy high? I digress, the riding scenes would make any real rider crazy but that is only the half of this stinker.

The president of the Dragons is a dwarf like madman called General played to the hilt by Charles Dierkop. He reminded me of some crazy eyed, Manson-esque character. He and his henchmen are interrupted while trying to pull “a train” on one of the innocent hippie girls. They are rudely interrupted by the Angles. Long John rushes in, played by a very young Scott Glenn who comes to save the day. Go Angles! During the insuring fight in the darkness, the girl is stabbed and killed. The Angles are summarily beat up and captured by the Dragons and blamed for her death. As if this film wasn’t already so far fetched no one with any common sense would believe it could circle the bowl any further but they would be wrong.

The captured Angles are then dragged behind the Dragons motorcycles as part of their punishment. Then they play a cruel game out in the desert where the bound Angles must run for their lives trying to avoid the racing choppers as chains are being wheeled at them. Oh, I dare not forget to mention that the “black” Angel manages to escape on one of the Dragons bikes riding across the sand dunes. Yes, I said sand dunes, there are no sand dunes in the Mohave Desert! Where the hell are they in the Saudi Arabia? Of course we all know fully extended choppers run especially well in the sand! Just kill me now. The entire scene is so stupid and ridiculous it made me want to kick the writer’s ass. As it swirled further down the bowl; a kangaroo court is set up where the Angles are tried and sentenced to death.

There is no suspense, unless you call waiting for the movie to be over suspense. There is no drama and no plot worth a crap, topped off with some bad acting all made into one especially awful biker flick. If I must pull my gun for this one it will be to shoot everyone responsible for making this piece of shit. It gets zero shots out of six and that’s being very generous!