Hell Riders (2006)

Wow what a confusing mess, dressed in outlaw biker garb, well almost. You can’t include “The Gent” played by Michael Madsen in that sentence. He played the good looking, womanizing, fast shooting outlaw biker. The only problem with that is he is always dressed in a ruffled tuxedo shirt and a suit jacket complete with his patch sewn onto it! Are you kidding me? Add to that an all white club with a “Brotha” in the pack, only in Hollywood or maybe the Chosen Few!

This who’s on first, no who’s on second, non comedy skit between the Victors motorcycle club and the Six-Six-Six motorcycle club, now you see um now their dead. This makes it very hard to keep track. If it wasn’t confusing enough just add in; the recurring call to meet “the Pres.” Who is actually called Pistolero played by Larry Bishop. It’s a bit like where’s Waldo only in leather.

I can only think that “Johnny Zero” played by Dennis Hopper and David Carradine who played ah; oh hell I can’t even remember. These two renowned actors are either broke or have absolutely nothing better to do to have said yes to this mess of a script.

The movie centers around a Victor’s member named “Bix” who is later renamed “Comanche” who is the son of a dead murdered Indian woman who knew too much and was played by Eric Balfour. Ya think? Of course it would be so wrong of me to give away the real twist; if you can call it that. Being the giver that I am I‘ll leave that for you.

Meanwhile sit back and enjoy or not, the silly plays on words and the meant to be humorous banter; such as the Gents rant about dust. Seriously someone got paid to write that shit!

Now for the films few redeeming qualities, the bikes were great and authentic and that’s a plus. There is a lot of shooting also done well, lots of half naked chicks splashing about or sucking face all while bare breasted not bad either. My favorite was the Six-Six-Sixers use of arrows shot from an air guns, cleaver, unique and deadly.

This flick does have its fun factor except that it represents bikers as murdering, disloyal, womanizing, drugging, hard drinking and unemployed outlaws. Fortunately the action allows you to sit threw it to the end but I’m betting that like myself, when it’s over you’ll ask anyone in the room, “What the hell was that?”

This gets three shots out of six only because I liked the bikes.